Strength in the Face of Adversity
The Toddler Who Teaches Us About Resilience
Watch a toddler learning to walk and you will see resilience in its purest form. Researchers have found that newly walking infants take thousands of steps an hour—and fall down again and again along the way.
Yet they do not stop. They simply get back up.
That determination captures the essence of resilience. As poet Oliver Goldsmith wrote: *“Success is simply standing up one more time than you fall down.”
What Is Resilience?
Resilience is the ability to adapt, recover, and grow through adversity. It doesn’t mean hardship doesn’t hurt—it means we can move forward despite it.
Resilience includes qualities such as:
- Perseverance and hope
- Emotional flexibility
- Problem-solving skills
- Self-awareness and regulation
- Connection to supportive people
- A sense of purpose
In the context of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), resilience represents the protective strengths that help buffer trauma’s impact.
Why Resilience Matters with ACEs
High ACE scores are linked to increased risks for chronic illness, mental health struggles, substance use, and shortened life expectancy.
But ACEs describe risk, not destiny.
People with similar ACE scores often have very different life outcomes. The difference is frequently explained by resilience—protective factors that reduce the long-term effects of adversity.
Think of it like a scale:
- On one side: childhood adversity
- On the other: protective relationships, resources, and coping skills
Resilience helps restore balance.
Resilience Is Built, Not Born
Some people may be naturally more resilient, but resilience is not fixed. It can be developed at any age.
Like a muscle, resilience grows stronger through practice, support, and healing experiences.
The Building Blocks of Resilience
Research consistently shows that resilience is supported by both internal strengths and external resources.
Internal Protective Factors
- Emotional regulation
- Problem-solving skills
- Positive self-worth
- Optimism and meaning
- A sense of agency and purpose
External Protective Factors
- Safe, stable environments
- Supportive friendships and community
- Access to helpful services
- Opportunities to belong and contribute
But one factor stands above all others.
The Power of One Supportive Adult
The strongest protective factor for a child is the presence of at least one consistent, caring adult.
That person could be:
- A parent or grandparent
- A teacher or coach
- A counselor, mentor, or neighbor
Supportive relationships help children feel safe, regulate stress, and develop healthy coping skills.
Resilience is rarely built alone.
Evidence That Resilience Works
A large study in Wales found that among adults with four or more ACEs, those who had protective factors in childhood experienced far lower rates of mental illness and self-harm than those without support.
Resilience doesn’t erase adversity—but it significantly reduces its long-term harm.
Strengthening Resilience Over Time
Resilience can be built through:
- Nurturing supportive relationships
- Practicing coping and stress-management skills
- Finding meaning, identity, or purpose
- Creating routines that support wellbeing
- Seeking therapy or professional support when needed
- Replacing self-blame with self-compassion
Healing is possible, and growth can continue throughout life.
Resilience as the Antidote to ACEs
ACEs may shape early experiences, but they do not define a person’s future.
With care, connection, and support, people can heal from childhood trauma and build lives of strength and meaning.
Your ACE score reflects what happened to you.
Your resilience reflects what is possible moving forward.
The Bottom Line
Resilience isn’t about never falling.
It’s about getting back up—again and again—like that toddler taking brave, unsteady steps into the world.
And with the right support, every person has the capacity to build it.